| fuck everyone that lives in this house (warning: long ass rant) |
[31 Aug 2006|12:24pm] |
today I woke up and saw a full trash bag just sitting next to back door. I ignored it. took out the trash from the kitchen, sorted through the recycling to find that people put full beers in the bin. I wrote a note about taking out the bag of trash with intention of taping it above that bag. when I walked out of my room I see Josh (my roommate ericka's boyfriend) pissing out the back door onto my back stairs. I've been avoiding confrontation with ericka and him because I hate them and would normally resort to just calling her a 'fucking stupid bitch'. me and her stopped talking last time that happened, and life has been a little better without hearing her voice. but more and more I just find my roommates a burden.
Now I had no problem handling trash and recycling dudie before when others put in work other ways. it used to be that people would cook enough for the house and we would all eat together. then someone would clean up rooms with out anyone saying anything to them.
but now even when we are having people over and I'm trying to clean up the house, my roommates just sit in their rooms. I clean the house to come home the next day to it being trashed. dishes pile up, and when I refuse to do them cause I dirtied none of them: michelle ends up doing them. so if I don't do anything on princible, michelle bares the load.
it's noon and the house is probably only 75 degrees, yet the window ACs in ericka and ratt's run full blast. in my room there are 3 fans, which all together uses about 7 times less electric than each of their window units. yet michelle and I are expected to pay equal shares of the electric bill.
Ratt buys vegitibles and declares that no one can eat them cause she is vegan and bought them. then I look and their is a metroplois of molds covering them. Ratt claims to be OC but hasn't straitened her room in two months, it smells like cat piss. once a month and a half ago michelle did ratts laundry, folded it and placed it in her room. it still sits in the middle of the floor, folded just like michelle placed it.
AHHHH there is too much shit to talk about.
there are bikes all over my house. it's fucking anoying when we have a bike rack outside. ratt has three bikes, scattered around the house (one that looks like she hasn't riden it in years). ericka has a bike and so does josh. sometimes it's hard to walk around.
I've been unemployed (besides jobs that I still haven't paid for) since before we moved here (so was ericka though, untill a few days ago). this makes me hesitant to say anything but that burden has been handled totally by michelle, not at all by my roommates.
I really feel ashamed when I look outside and look how nice everyone elses yard is. sometimes people leave empty 12 packs in our front lawn (the joys of living with alcoholics). I think they feel that since our neighborhood is poor black people and no one will complain that it doesn't matter. I think they only thought they have of our neighbors is that they will steal our bikes.
I feel like we are the one of the worse elements in the neighborhood, and people sell crack around here. which seems resonable to me now, since there are no jobs in this area. you have to cross a couple race borders to find anything. those being resturants that you can't get hired at without a ton of experience or knowing someone. tomorrow I have a interveiw at a minimum wage job at family dollar. this is about the only business you see in black neighborhoods. they are going to do a credit check and give me a drug test. all this to make 5.15 and remain under the proverty line. Even with all the obstacles everyone keeps there house up and works a shit ton. there is a sense of community here, everyone knows everyone and often visit each other's house.
so I feel pretty shitty about living here, when my roommates just drop a AC that quit working out the window to put another in. pretty much ericka stands for everything I hate, except she isn't rich.
I want to move, but really like my neighbors, neighborhood, and house. so really I guess I want my roomates to leave.
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| life figguring itself out |
[25 Aug 2006|01:00am] |
saturday my friend paul few in from texas. he left nashville last fall. I was a lot cooler person when he was here. so he gets here and I'm inspired and social and fucking happy.
monday was really fun, but then really dramatic. I didn't feel like getting out of bed tuesday and wednesday. and spent most of those days drinking beers quickly and going back to bed. had to talk to michelle about stuff for a really long time. ended up feeling better about that.
thursday, my mother has been trying to get me to come home and work on the house. free food, a place to stay, and pay are the +s. being away from michelle (we suck at talking on the phone) in a dead city where hardly anyone I know remains is the negitive. so I decided on staying with michelle because she is all I really have going in my life. I ended up getting a job. doing electric for this guy's house. it's nice cause he lives there so I'll have motivation to do a good job.
tomorrow is the last friday of the month, so that means critical mass, a large number of people riding bikes in the street. I haven't been to it in so long. it will be so much more fun cause paul who was the soul of it when he was here will be here for it on his final day. first we are going to the harpath river, then CM, then I think there is a party somewhere. then at 4 am paul is leaving us. at least his last day is packed full of fun.
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| when michelle finishes school she wants to change cities |
[19 Aug 2006|12:10am] |
I think I'm going with her.
where will we live?
all I can think of is chicago, but probably cause I've wanted to live there for ten years.
she wants to go out west, as if it's a magical land that will be different than the rest of the states. she has never been out west, and I have had limited exposure to it. yet I think it will just be the same, but worse, cause the farther west you go the more space there is and space=sprawl.
but I've heard good things about the north east, but I can't tell if it is true, or just a myth. like imigrants were told there was a mountain of gold in america.
I've been to chicago a lot and I still like it. I really don't know another city that I like. everyone I know from there lived in north chicago. they always say that you'll get shot on the south side. I think this is another myth. maybe the chances are higher, but the north side is way to la de da for me. I much rather live south or west of downtown. probably all I could afford anyways.
the reason I hate nashville is all the damn yuppies, so I would want to get as far away from that as possible.
even if I lived in south chicago I would still hate the white sox. when I was there last and saw how their field is across the interstate from factories and project towers, I thought that I should become a sox fan. then I thought about how much money those fuckers make, how much the owners make, and some of the poorest people are 100 feet away.
so I have this plan to form a non profit that buys houses, and sells them to people that would have a harder time buying the house. it's my anti gentrification plan.
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| paranoid |
[22 May 2006|02:02am] |
so I was at Kon's with will and we were watching utube. mostly old rock/punk videos. then this one with a newyork song played, and suddenly changed to 911 footage.
I hadn't seen any of that stuff in a few years. on the bike ride home I was paranoid as fuck. I felt like something was going to hop out and slice me open. I'm never scared in this neighborhood, the worse thing that can happen is having a drunk yell at you. just seeing that made me think about horrible deaths, ones that give you time to think about your dying. like jumping out of the twin towers cause you rather not burn to death. there is just so many thoughts that would go through your mind.
coming home was creepy, there was no lights on, no loud music, and no one anywhere. michelle is in the netherlands and ericka is hopping trains. as anti social as I am, I like living with people, cause if I'm alone too much I think about things, and I have a creepy imagination sometimes.
death is starting to scare me. I know I'm going to dye, and I accept that. but the finality of it scares me. I mean it's really the only thing in life like that. once your are dead, you are dead. everything else in life is constantly changing, and before you even catch up, it's over.
this is why, I don't want a bunch of time to think about my death. I really only want enough time to say 'oh shit', because if I have time to think about it, it would be way worse than this.
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| still unemployed |
[03 May 2006|05:57pm] |
but doing alright, not having to get out of bed with michelle and go to some shity warehouse at 3am is awesome.
I'm going to florida on the 8th
michelle wants to go to chicago for the 4th of july
I think this is a slended plan. especially since I haven't been up there since jan 05.
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| everything has been really awesome for about two weeks |
[12 Apr 2006|05:35pm] |
I guess I just realized that I have fucked up a bunch, but I have ended up lucky.
I mean I don't have a job, or plans really of any sort.
but I have michelle, and I love her more than anything.
and she makes me so fucking happy
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[29 Mar 2006|09:28pm] |
today is horrible
I'm tired of being poor but I don't want to get a job.
sometimes I don't feel like moving at all.
I just lay in bed and think.
I hate that I can't do that without anyone noticing.
I just want to be depressed alone, I don't want people that are around me that are happy. I thought about moving to st. louis, working on my parents house, working on their house, and being really anti social.
my parents would pay me if i worked enough, and I could send money I owed to michelle for rent and such.
I mainly just don't want to be any one's burrdon, I wish I could just work shit out in my head with out it affecting other people.
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| I quit UPS |
[08 Mar 2006|12:04pm] |
I've been calling around to become a electrician's assistant or aprentence, that will be way cooler than stacking boxes.
god this puppy is anoying when I'm sleeping, I think I sleep more cause she keeps waking me up.
it's been pretty boring with michelle (erka as well) in new orleans.
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| michelle, and erka off to new orleans |
[06 Mar 2006|08:13am] |
today is the first day I am in sole responsiblity of our new puppy. so after I let her out she takes a piss then later shits in my hallway.
really right now, all I can think of to write about is how cute my puppy and kittens are, so
the end
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| RE: Elections and Balls! |
[23 Jan 2006|07:43pm] |
auto subject is my new thing
I did acid last week.
courtney (adam's [ex] girlfriend)and her friend ally are staying here.
tada
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| 6 |
[18 Jan 2006|05:03pm] |
a 6 (and a half) room house with 6 people, possibly 6 animals (2 of 4 cats are outside all the time, one of them dropping us for the family down the street.), and a ghost?
pretty much we just hang out with each other, when you have 5 awesome roommates you don't need much of a life.
I've just been building a kitchen out of s hooks, milk crates,and zip cords.
matt's trying to get a job, already failed one drug test.
got internet today, so probably will be more availible on here.
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